I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my being single is dangerous.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
