So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
