Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
