So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
