great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
