Non-Jews are for practice
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
