i think my tv is drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
