I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
