I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
