well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
that may or may not have been my penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
