if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
