I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
