She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
