life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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