her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
