I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
