Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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