the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
