i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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