he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
