Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
