you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
