I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
