Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
They have beer where we have blood.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
