Christians are straight up FREAKS
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
