Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude. I can hear the air.
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