I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
