You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
