Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i have herpe
just one?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
