Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
