Plan B is the new Plan A
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
