Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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