lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
