i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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