Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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