I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
