I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
