Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
