she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
