Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
