when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
