So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
