I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What drink are we having for lunch?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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