Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk is not a location!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
