Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
