you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish you could order shots online.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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