I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
