i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
