she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
