I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
