How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
