im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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