You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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