i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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